


Family Is...

by crOwnlEssG



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Apocalypse, Bobby's House, Bonding, Collection of one-shots, Dialogue-Only, Family, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Gen, Humor, Hurt/Comfort, Mostly Dialogue, One-Shots, Quality Time, Singer Salvage, season 5, video game references, video games - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-03-27
Updated: 2013-03-27
Packaged: 2017-12-06 16:32:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,086
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/737771
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/crOwnlEssG/pseuds/crOwnlEssG
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A collection of one-shots set in Season 5: Family can mean a lot of things, and over time, Castiel learns what it feels to truly be in one.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Communication: Sam

_They_ _were preparing to siege Hell, to find the Righteous Man and save him. Everyone was on edge; they could die from this mission but it would all be for the glory of their Father, and that was more than enough._

_After the plan had been explained, there was really no reason to talk. They were ready and could not afford to be distracted by things such as words of encouragement, or jokes to break the tension, or speeches to bolster the spirit, or anything else similar the humans usually throw at each other at likewise situations. They were warriors of God, soldiers of Heaven; they were just and firm in the silence._

_A seraphim flew down in front of the garrison. "Any questions?" he asked to all of them._

_Words were hardly worth the effort when they were only addressed to one or two; here, words were only used to speak to the general public. There was no bond with words with them, thus personal messages were irrational and unimportant._

_But Castiel had questions. He always had questions. Nevertheless, he joined in on the rest of his garrison when they said,_

" _No, sir."_

O _x

"Alright, Cas, any questions?"

"Yes, uhm… Why are we doing this again?"

"Because the power's out, Dean and Bobby are too busy trying to fix it, we're snowed in and you need a break from your God-hunt."

"Oh. Right."

"Okay, so you're good with the rules now, right? We take turns in picking a card and whatever's on it, as ridiculous as it is, the other guy has to answer it."

"I understand."

"Great, I'll go first – 'If you had a time machine that would work only once, what point in the future or in history would you visit?'

"Sam, I'm an angel. I have no use for something like that. I can travel to whenever period I want."

"Yeah, I know, Cas. But _assuming_ you couldn't time-travel on your own,"

"Why would I suddenly not be able to time-travel?"

"Look, it's sorta like… never mind, let's just skip it. Your turn, Cas."

"'If you had to give up one of your senses (hearing, seeing, feeling, smelling, tasting) which would it be and why?'"

"Huh. Tough one. I guess… tasting."

"How come?"

"It's kind of the least important when you're out there fighting monsters. I mean, you need sight to aim, hearing to have a clue of what's in the dark, you need to be able to feel if there's a drop in temperature and, well, smelling for any leftover traces of sulfur is always useful."

"I see."

"Cool. So 'If your house was burning down, what three objects would you try and save?'"

"But I don't have a house."

"Uh, okay… What if Heaven's on fire then?"

"That would be preposterous; Heaven cannot be set on fire."

"Can't you just pretend it's possible? Weirder things _have_ happened, like… oceans that glow in the dark and trees that grow lollipops – "

"There are trees that grow lollipops?"

"…Uh, not exactly, sorry. I might've gone a bit overboard with the examples… and obviously I need to stop watching kid-shows whenever nothing good's on TV. Ahem. Anyway, back to the game – "

"Sam?"

"Yeah?"

"I want a lollipop."

"… _Why_?"

"I never had a lollipop before."

"…Pfft… Oh… o-okay…"

"Sam, are you laughing at me?"

"W-What? Of… Of course not. I just – _ahh_ , God, I needed that."

"Should I pick the next card?"

"But you haven't even tried answering the question."

"I don't have any belongings to save to start with."

"Uhm… okay, if there were three lollipops in… _this_ house, would you save them?"

"I suppose."

"There you go. Y-You can go ahead and p-pick the next c-card."

"Are you laughing again?"

"N-No, I'm not."

"Yes, you were. You were doing it a few seconds ago."

"No, I wasn't."

"Yes, you were."

"No, I wasn't."

"Yes, you were."

"No, I wasn't!"

"Yes, you were."

"No."

"Yes."

"No."

"Yes."

"Can we stop this?"

"No."

"Cas! Next card, _please_!"

"Fine. It says, 'What's the weirdest thing you've ever eaten?'"

"Wow, don't that just turn the table on things. Uhhm, weirdest thing I've ever eaten… It's gotta be Dean's gelatin."

"I thought Dean can cook decently,"

"Yeah, well, this was when we were kids. We were in a shady motel and Dean just literally grabbed whatever was available in the area; he even managed to stuff some Oreos and strips of bacon in the finished product. It kinda looked good actually… but then it just ended bizarrely."

"What do you mean by bizarre?"

"Like… 'hallucinations and waking up on top of a huge McDonald's sign'-bizarre. Now that I think about it, I recall some hippies living right next door to us – Alright, I just don't wanna talk about it anymore."

"But wh– ?"

"'If I gave you $10,000, what would you spend it on?'"

"But money is of no use to me. I can still summon any objects deemed necessary."

"So what, if I dumped a pile of money on you, you wouldn't do anything about it?"

"I would attempt to extricate myself from it since you 'dumped a pile of money on me' – "

"No, I mean, you wouldn't use the money for anything at all?"

"…I suppose I could give the amount to you, Dean and Bobby. It's better in your hands."

"Uhm, wow. Thanks, Cas. Remind me to sign you up for the lottery some time."

"Shouldn't we be more worried about the Apocalypse?"

"Of course, just not right now. We're having a break."

"But it's unwise if we intentionally – "

"Cas. Please, no bringing up the A-word. I'm not saying we should blow the whole subject off but… we should take some time to enjoy the things we're trying to save, both big and small, like this one."

"…Very well."

"Thanks, Cas."

"'What thought or message would you want to put in a fortune cookie?'"

"Uh, 'Try not to start the end of the world'? Heh, no, no, not that. Hmm… 'No matter how screwed up life gets, remember that your family always has your back'."

"That's a good message,"

"Mm."

"…unless your own family is hunting you down, then those words essentially don't apply anymore."

"Oh, Cas, I'm sorry. I didn't mean – "

"It's alright."

"…"

"…"

"…Do you miss them?"

"My brothers and sisters?"

"Yeah."

"...Some of them, yes."

"Forgive me if I'm crossing some line here, but you must not be used to being alone, are you? What with all the bazillion siblings you have,"

"Not necessarily. Even in Heaven I was considered as some sort of an outsider. However, now I just feel…"

"Outsider in the family, huh? You're looking at someone who can relate to that. Hell, right now, you're with a _bunch_ of outsiders; you fit right in."

"I guess so."

"Right. So, uh… whose turn is it now?"

"I believe it's yours."

"Alright – 'Do you have any hidden talents?' Huh, that's a good question. Do you, Cas?"

"None that I'm aware of."

"Oh come on. You sure?"

"All angels were given the same abilities as everyone else. It's impossible for one angel to possess abilities that the others don't."

"But don't you guys have specialties or something? I mean, how do you become the Angel of This or the Angel of That?"

"Some abilities are just more enhanced with others."

"So what enhanced ability do _you_ have?"

"Well, I can fly faster than most of the angels,"

"That's why you got Dean out, huh? Wait, that's not exactly a _hidden talent_."

"I don't know what else to say."

"How about something unusual that you can do that no one knows about other than you?"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"Cas?"

"I'm thinking."

"Sorry. Take your time."

"…"

"…"

"…"

"If you wanna skip to the next question, I could – "

"If I flap my wings at the proper frequency, I attract birds."

"…How is that even possible?"

"It's a bit like sunflowers and sunlight, or moths to a flame. They can't help it; they're fascinated."

"That's… pretty cool."

"It's somewhat embarrassing, actually."

"Well, then I promise not to say anything about this to Dean. Trust me, he'll never live it down."

"I appreciate it."

"Wanna read the next card?"

"Yes. 'If someone made a movie of your life would it be a drama, a comedy, a romantic-comedy, action film, or science fiction?'"

"That's easy. Drama."

"Hm. Agreed."

"Okay, next question: 'What is the first thing that – ?' …Uhm, never mind. I'll pick another card."

"What's wrong with that card?"

"It's… a stupid question. You'll just get a headache over nothing."

"But I thought you said we are to respond to every card,"

"There's always the exception – "

"Sam, are you purposefully avoiding what's written on that card?"

"That's not – "

"Are you hiding something from me?"

"…"

"…"

"'What is the first thing that comes to mind… when you think about God?'"

"…"

"…Cas, I – "

"Hope."

"What?"

"Hope. Hope that we have a chance of succeeding."

"…Yeah. Here's to hope then."

"…"

"…"

"Sam?"

"Yeah, Cas?"

"I still want a lollipop."

* * *


	2. Kindness: Bobby

_It was war in Heaven, Lucifer's armies against Michael's._

_At the gate's southern regions, two rival garrisons were battling to the death, one under Azazel and the other under Zachariah. And Zachariah's forces were quickly losing._

_"Fall back! I repeat, fall back! We have to regroup with the others!" he commanded._

_What was left of their garrison took flight, although the enemy was hot in pursuit._

_"You at the back! You're holding us up! Move faster!" Zachariah yelled._

_"It's Castiel, sir! He's heavily injured; we're only supporting him." Uriel answered._

_"Leave him! He's as good as dead anyway. He might as well make himself useful by delaying Azazel."_

_"But sir – !"_

_"I said drop him! That's an order!" screamed Zachariah._

_Uriel looked at his brother, whose light was dangerously flickering out and gazing at him with imploring blue orbs. "Forgive me, brother." he whispered._

O_x

"Alright, you sure you're up to it?"

"Yes, I wish to do something that would compensate for my inability to mend your condition."

"Tt. Would'a been a helluva lot easier for both of us if you could just fix my damn legs."

"I... apologize."

"Save it. Now, here's your list for the week. Remember, I want you here at exactly 2 o'clock every Thursday, and _only_ on that time. And I don't care if Thursday's your special day; you're gonna deliver whether you want to or not. And don't give me excuses like you found a lead on God or something; if you're late, I'm gonna whack you on the head with a bible. Clear?"

"…Understood."

"Good. Now read what's on the list. If you have any questions, now's the time to ask 'em."

"'A quarter pound of crushed verbena. A bucket's worth of African toadstools. Three cups' worth of Asian clover. Finely grounded powder from snail shells. Thirty hand-sized chalcopyrite rocks. Half a jug's worth of poison dart frog secretions. Six pairs of giant moth wings. Ten pregnant bombardier beetles. A kilo of bayberry wax.'"

"Got that?"

"Yes."

"And if you're even an inch off the numbers – "

"I will not get them wrong."

"You better not. And no sassing or bitching at me in the coming weeks either; you're the one who signed up for this in the first place."

"Of course."

"…"

"…"

"Well then, flap to it!"

O_x

"Hello, Bobby."

"Oh for the love of – ! What the _hell_ are you doing here?"

"It's Thursday, 2 o'clock."

"Yeah, I got that."

"…I thought that – "

"You're on time, alright. But that doesn't mean you can just pop in two feet in front of me!"

"Is this about… personal space?"

"Gee, whatever made you think that?"

"…Dean _has_ mentioned something similar…"

"I bet he did. So, you get all the stuff?"

"Yes, although I had some difficulty with the chalcopyrite – "

"Yeah, yeah; here's your next list. I wrote on there a ton of sandalwood, but if you can get two, then that's good."

"…"

"What, feathers in a bunch there?"

"You… want me to start immediately?"

"Got a problem with that?"

"…No."

"So, what're you waiting for? Shoo! Go on!"

"…As you wish."

"Tt. And would it kill ya to use the damn door next time?"

O_x

"Well, look what the cat dragged in,"

"Hello, Bobby."

"Hm, at least you went through the door like a normal person. Where're the things I sent you for?"

"Outside. I thought you would disapprove if I brought such large objects into your house."

"Good."

"…I suspect you have another long list for me,"

"You're damn right I do. Here. And since you're so eager about it, you'll be happy to know that this next one is twice as long as the others."

"…"

"What's with the face?"

"…This is a grocery list."

"Ya think, genius?"

"You want me to go shopping… for your groceries?"

"Hey, a man's gotta eat."

"…But I don't have any money."

"That's your problem now."

"Are you suggesting that I steal?"

"I'm suggesting that you haul ass and get going already. It's not like food can just waltz through the front door."

"…"

"Your hand's bleeding by the way."

"It's… I didn't notice that before."

"So your head's too high up in the clouds to even detect the blood dripping down your fingers?"

"I got into a fight with three of my sisters earlier. Right after I escaped, I had to go here and – "

"As interesting as quality time with your buddies is, what I really care about now is stocking up my fridge."

"…I'll go then."

O_x

"Cas… what is this?"

"It's what you instructed me to bring."

"I didn't tell you to buy a damn porn DVD!"

"There's the word 'Milf' enumerated on your list."

" _What_? Let me see that – I wrote on there _milk_ , ya idjit!"

"You should improve on your penmanship."

"My penmanship's just fine! _You_ need to read better."

"I asked a few people and they all interpreted that as 'milf'."

"Every last one of you needs glasses if that's the case. And how do you even know what M.I.L.F. means?"

"A five-year-old girl told me."

"… _A five-year-old girl_?"

"Yes. And she directed me to the store where I can buy it."

"…I won't even try reacting to this."

"Should I return the DVD?"

"And get some _more_ words of wisdom from little girls? Don't bother. Give me your phone."

"Why?"

"To get your number and to put in mine. Obviously, you're no better than a toddler sometimes, and while I can't keep an eye on you twenty-four-seven, I could at least give you clearer instructions, and the occasional reminder to stay away from five-year-olds."

"But – "

"Too late. I have direct access to boss you around wherever you go, so get used to it."

O_x

**Uhm… hello?**

**About time you idjit picked up your damn phone! I've been calling you for five minutes!**

**My apologies. I've been… occupied.**

**Still God-hunting, huh? Anyway, I'm checking up on your progress; what're you up to right now?**

**I am about to buy the tools you require.**

**That's good.**

**…**

**Cas? Are those giggling little kids in the background?**

**Yes.**

**Where the _hell_ are you anyway?**

**On a bench, in a park.**

**I thought you said you were gonna buy my tools.**

**Yes, I will, as soon as my three hours are over.**

** _Three hours_? What's going on there?**

**One of the children got my phone. He said he would return it if I spent three straight hours on this bench.**

**And you just did what they tell ya?**

**It was a… double-dog dare.**

**…Man, do I feel sorry for you.**

**Why? They're actually quite nice; some of the girls are even putting ribbons in my hair.**

**Like I said, I feel sorry for you. Alright, I'm hanging up. I don't wanna make this any weirder than it already is. Just do me a favor and don't embarrass yourself when you go to the hardware store.**

O_x

**So just keep walking inward until you reach the coldest spot in the building.**

**Alright.**

**You there yet?**

**Just about.**

**Okay, once you're there, just grab one and go.**

**There's so many here,**

**Yeah, try not to get too excited.**

**How can anyone just pick a _single_ item?**

**That's just how we roll. Now quit blabbering and get a move on!**

**Bobby, there's one here labeled 'Chunky Monkey'. Does that mean that this is made out of chunky monkeys?**

**What? _No!_ That's just wrong! Kids eat that for crying out loud!**

**So why do they name something that isn't even – ?**

**How should I know? I'm not the one who came up with the damn thing.**

**There's also a 'Mud Pie' here. Is that really made out of mud then?**

**It's the same with the 'Chunky Monkey,' it's just a stupid name!**

**What about 'Turtle Soup'? How can a soup be associated with ice cream?**

**Damn it, Cas, just get me my 'Peach Cobbler'! I swear, this is the last time I'm sending you off for Ben and Jerry's!**

O_x

**Bobby, what is a… cowabunga?**

**Cowa– ? Please don't tell me you're doing something stupid,**

**I am watching Ninja Turtles.**

**…Dare I ask why?**

**I got curious.**

**You _do_ know I'm not the only person you can call, right? Go ask Sam or Dean that.**

**They are busy.**

**Of course they are… Just watch and enjoy your show quietly like a good boy. Eventually, their freaking vocabulary's not the only thing you're gonna scratch your head at.**

**I have the urge to consume pizza for some reason.**

**Hopefully, that's the _only_ side-effect you'll be getting.**

O_x

**Bobby?**

**Cas? What is it?**

**Uhm…**

**Something happen?**

**…Dean was mean to me.**

**Shouldn't you be used to that by now?**

**Hmf…**

**Aren't you a mopey little princess. Alright, what did that boy do this time?**

**…**

**Oh, come on. You called me, might as well bitch about it.**

**…**

**Would it get you to spill if I tell you I'm _used_ to dealing with petty whining?**

**…He pushed me during my turn on Jenga and the tower fell down.**

**…**

**…Bobby? Are you still there?**

**Why the hell were you playing that stupid game in the first place?**

**Dean got 'bored'. And their playing cards got soaked on their previous hunt.**

**So… _Jenga_?**

**Yes.**

**And Dean pushed you on your turn,**

**Yes.**

**Any particular reason why he'd do that?**

**I believe he was annoyed with how perfectly steady my hand was.**

**That all?**

**No.**

**You're kidding,**

**Later on at a diner, Dean bought himself and Sam two triple-cheeseburgers, then a mini-burger for me.**

**Trying to watch your weight or something?**

**The mini-burger was the size of a golf ball.**

**…Huh.**

**It wasn't even a real burger; it was a candy that only _looked_ like one.**

**Well, it's not like you _need_ to eat anyway.**

**…I guess. But then the laughing and pointing was a tad unnecessary.**

**I swear, you boys act worse than preschoolers. Okay, if it makes you feel better, you have my consent to smack that idjit upside the head. And make it two smacks, one from you and one from me.**

**I'll think about it.**

**Judging by that chuckle, I reckon your mind's already made up.**

**Goodbye, Bobby.**

O_x

**Hello?**

**…**

**Hello? Castiel?**

**…Bobby…**

**You alright? You sound gloomier than usual,**

**…I… I don't….**

**What's wrong? You're not hurt or anything, are ya?**

**…No… not hurt.**

**Then what?**

**…**

**Cas, speak up! You know how paranoid I get in these – **

**I just killed one of my brothers.**

**Oh. Sorry. But, hey, at least you're in one piece, right?**

**…**

**Cas?**

**…I can't… I don't want to do this anymore.**

**Not like there's anything stopping you from taking a breather,**

**It's not just that. I'm tired… I'm so tired of… of everything, of everyone dying around me...**

**Hey, hey, take it easy there. It's not the end of the world, and if we're lucky that would never happen.**

**…**

**You wanna come over to my speck on the planet? I managed to dig up an old bottle of Jack in the basement.**

**…But it's not even Thursday yet.**

**Thursday? What do you – ? Oh _that_. Cas, come on, every rule has an exception. I thought by now you've passed through the whole total-obedience thing.**

**That's… very kind of you. But no, thank you. I… I wish to mourn my brother in peace for a moment.**

**Alright, I can respect that. Just…**

**Just what?**

**Just, I dunno, keep the line on. I wanna make sure you won't accidentally jump off a cliff or something equally stupid.**

**I… okay.**

**…**

**…**

**…**

**…**

**Where are you anyway?**

**Deep in some forest in Finland .**

**Way to be specific.**

**There's a lake here, half-frozen. The trees are full of flowers and the sun is just coming out of the horizon,**

**Sounds like heaven there.**

**…**

**Uh, sorry 'bout that.**

**It's alright. It _is_ beautiful here; I wish you could see it.**

**Well, just don't zap me off any time soon. I ain't exactly travel-worthy right now so I'll settle for picture.**

**The camera on my phone's broken, unfortunately.**

**What'd you do, accidentally sit on it?**

**…Yes.**

**Tt, so much for being a featherweight. Anyway, next time you're in my house, I'll take your phone to a guy I know. He'll fix it right up at half the usual price… if you want anyway.**

**Thank you.**

**…**

**...**

**...So, uhh… you doing alright there?**

**I am… still coping.**

**Okay. I know it's tough; no one should have to kill their loved ones, their own family. I've been there and it still rips me apart sometimes.**

**…**

**Just take it easy for a while. And if you change your mind about coming over, my door's always open, you hear?**

**…Yes. Thank you, Bobby.**

**Alright, I'll leave you to it then.**

O_x

"Where is that birdbrain? He should've been here four hours ago,"

"…B-Bobby…"

"Castiel? That you at the door?"

"Where is that birdbrain? He should've been here four hours ago,"

"…B-Bobby…"

"Castiel? That you at the door?"

"…Unghh…"

"I'm coming, I'm coming. And a simple 'yes' would do. You sound like – _Holy_ _crap_! What happened to you?"

"…Ambush… s-seven angels… sorry for… f-f-for being late…"

"Don't be sorry for anything. Get your ass in here now!"

"Nngh… beads…on your list… g-got broken… A-And I was… supposed to s-surprise you… with a big… bottle of whiskey… but it got broken… too… Please don't… h-hit me with a bible."

"I'm not hitting you with anything if you're like this; you can barely stay upright."

"…"

"Cas?"

"…dizzy…"

"Whoa, easy there; I gotcha, I gotcha. Just stay with me now; I can't have you passing out this way."

"…Back… hurts…"

"Your back – ? God, you have a huge slash from your socket to your lower spine! And it's still bleeding out!"

"I… noticed."

"Now is seriously not the time for you to try out sarcasm. Damn it, Cas, what did they do to you?"

"…t-tear out… wings…"

"Crap. But since you made it here that means they're still attached, right?"

"…"

" _Cas._ "

"…"

" _Castiel!_ "

"…mmf…"

"Do you still have your wings, yes or no?"

"…Y-Yes."

"Can you heal them?"

"…with… time…"

"Alright. Okay. You can't just lean on my chair all day. Can you make it to my bed?"

"…Can't… feel… legs…"

"It's your spine. Must've struck some nerves there and messed up your motor skills."

"…Can't… w-walk."

"Yes, you can. One foot in front of the other, easy as that."

"…"

"Come on you lazy feather-duster! I sure as hell ain't letting anyone else end up like me, so toughen up and move your goddamn legs! You understand?"

"...Yes…"

"Good, that's good. Keep going; I'll keep you steady."

"…room… spinning…"

"That's okay. Just concentrate on walking, you're almost there."

"Can't s-see… right."

"Three more steps and you're there, I promise."

"…Bobby…"

"It's okay. Take it easy, I'm not going anywhere. There you go, there you go. Now lie down – on your _side_ , you idjit! That's it. It's all over now."

"…I feel… odd…"

"You're just tired, is all. And I think you're already going into shock 'cuz of the blood loss. Hang on, I'm gonna get something."

"…D-Don't…"

"I ain't leaving you, I'm only getting – Alright, I found it."

"…Whassat?"

"My special electric blanket. Just gonna put this on you then,"

"…Why's it special?"

"It's the best one I got, and I only use this for emergencies in the family."

"…"

"…So, uh, you need bandages, painkillers… anything?"

"No thank you… I can heal on my own… I may require… an hour… or two…"

"Yeah, try 'til morning. You're spending the night here whether you like it or not."

"But… your list…"

"It can wait. You're still as bad off as road-kill."

"…m's'rry… for t-troubling you."

"No, _I'm_ sorry. I've been pushing you too hard from the start. You're a good guy and, well, I shouldn't have abused your help."

"…If I could… I wouldn't… hesitate in… mending your legs…"

"Yeah, I know."

"…"

"…"

"…"

"I guess I oughta let you get some rest now."

"Mm…"

"If you want anything, call, alright?"

"I will… Thank you."

"See you in the morning then."

"…Goodnight, Bobby…"

"…Night, son."


	3. Cooperation: Jo

_Their garrison was on a mountain top as they prepared for today's training exercise. Livid storm clouds were gathering overhead, and the air was filled with the noxious odors of souls being corrupted and demons skittering across the village below._

_Castiel was standing ramrod straight, his sword at the ready. He tried to gather as much encouragement as he could from his siblings beside him, but they do not offer him anything, only a calm façade to show that they were ready and unafraid. This exercise was to test their fighting prowess, and whoever would get the most kills will be awarded with special honors and the possibility of a promotion in their ranks._

_The only rule was that the fights will be individually carried out. No one was supposed to help their comrades, no matter how dire the situation would become, no matter how injured or close to death their brother would get, no matter how much they scream and beg to have a savior._

_Needless to say, casualties on both sides were overwhelming._

O _x

**I. Tekken**

"So… Panda?"

"Yes."

"You chose _Panda_ out of all the major badasses here?"

"Is there something wrong?"

"You just picked the cuddly marshmallow of the bunch."

"But I thought you said all the characters are very capable at combat,"

"Yeah, and you got the cuddly one."

"It was the only one whose appearance made sense to me. The others seem… too unnatural."

"You just picked a panda that knows kung fu,"

"And?"

"So you – ugh, never mind. Press start then."

"Start?"

"The button."

"This one?"

"No, that's just a sticker."

"This one?"

"That's for the tokens."

"What about this?"

"Cas, that's not even – Here, let me do it."

"Now what?"

"Hang on, it's still loading. Once that's done, get ready to press all the buttons on this side like your spiffy little halo depends on it."

"I'm go– ?"

"Go, Cas! It's started!"

"What am I – ?"

"Hit the buttons, damn it! You're dying!"

"…My opponent's… quite ruthless in her attacks. Did I provoke her in some reason?"

"She just wants to turn you into a punching bag, so fight back!"

"She _is_ aware that pandas are endangered species?"

"Focus! You're gonna – Aw, crap."

"I believe I lost."

"No kidding. Pause. I thought you said you can handle it already. I did a demo, like, twenty times,"

"Twenty-three times."

"And aren't you supposed to be used to fighting?"

"Not as a panda."

"…Alright, do you want me to coach you on this round? I could tell you what moves you can do."

"I would appreciate that."

"Okay – oh, and that endangered species comment… you've been hanging out with Sam again, haven't you?"

"We just watch nature documentaries together. They're very fascinating."

"I rest my case."

"It was either that or watch Dr. Sexy with Dean."

" _No freaking way!_ He actually watches that crap?"

"… I… wasn't supposed to tell you that, was I?"

"Cas, you just did me a favor, trust me."

"He would be angry with me now."

"You know what'd be even worse? If a panda, who's being played a warrior of God, loses to a preppy chick in a mini-skirt."

"…"

"You wouldn't wanna contribute to the death of pandas everywhere, would you?"

"…No."

"Then get ready to destroy her."

"Very well."

"Okay… right punch, left kick, right kick, now go back a little so you can do a juggling uppercut."

"A what?"

"Forward now, forward… now punch her in the – No, no! The other way! Other way! Do a flying cross chop then a quarter circle back."

"Jo, I – "

"High jump, roll sideways then front kick."

"The panda looks drunk now – "

"You gotta spin then counter with an ankle sweep and – "

"I don't know what I'm doing."

"You press the left button and pull the – Screw this. Tag me."

"What?"

"I'm turning this into a tag-team. I'm not letting this pile of fur go down. It's gonna kick ass and it's gonna do it like a damn pro. Now tag me and move over."

"…Alright."

"Prepare to be mauled, bitch."

"Be careful. She's a formidable adversary."

"Cas, I just fought a bunch of these guys who are way tougher than her. I think I can win this last round for us."

**II. Twisted Metal**

"Jo – "

"Not a word."

"There's nothing wrong in being defeated."

"I got beat up by a scrawny chick in a mini-skirt!"

"Still, you fought very impressively."

"Whatever."

"I never knew a panda could bend that way. It was somewhat disturbing and I thought it would've died doing such a maneuver."

"…"

"Jo, you're driving too fast."

"Gotta get some distance."

"I'm fairly certain you're going over the speed limit."

"Speed limits don't exist here."

"I just saw a sign."

"There was no sign!"

"Because you're driving too fast to see it."

"This is not the time to be a backseat-driver!"

"The police might catch you."

"Cas, there aren't any damn police! _They don't exist in this game_!"

"…"

"…"

"You're still upset over that last game,"

"Am not."

"You're trying to run over every civilian on the road."

"Part of the objective is getting random people."

"I doubt the objective stated you need to run over one hundred forty-two victims."

"You've been _counting_?"

"It's rather hard to ignore."

"Cas, just… please just shoot the bad guys."

"I can't. I might hit our allies because you're driving too fast."

"Oh, for the love of – _Holy crap_! Cas! Six o'clock! _Shoot_!"

"What does time have to do with – ?"

" _Behind you_!"

"What is _that_?"

"That's the boss!"

"What?"

"Mega bad guy. _Shoot it_!"

"…Why is it still there?"

"It's a _mega_ bad guy. It's not going down with just a couple of missiles."

"… It's – I think I made it mad."

"Yeah, that means the fight officially started. Hang on, I'm gonna take us to a better vantage point."

"Jo, wait!"

" _Whoah_! _What_? What happened?"

"You just ran over a cat."

"… _Are you kidding me_?"

"I believe there was – "

"We're in the middle of an attack! We have bigger things to worry about!"

"…"

"…"

"... I feel bad for the cat."

"You just have to learn to live with the disappointment."

"Like what you're doing after you lost the previous game?"

"…Don't make me shoot you too."

"My apologies."

"Anyway, you still got some missiles on you, right?"

"Yes."

"Okay. On three, we use everything we got."

"And our combined power will kill the beast?"

"That, or we'll make it even more pissed off and get vaporized."

"…"

"Ready to raise some hell, little angel?"

"Let's do this."

"There we go! Alright, Cas, your stuff will let you have the better aim out of both of us. I'll get the boss' attention while you control where most of the ammo is going. Aim them where it hurts most."

"Understood."

"Good. And just in case this doesn't work out, I got a spare missile I can use so we can at least get to retreat and restock. Here we go: one, two… _three_!"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"Cas, did you just aim the missiles at the thing's… uhm, nether regions?"

"Yes."

"Has Dean been teaching you how to fight dirty?"

"No, but I have been studying a few of your techniques for the past hours."

"…"

"Jo?"

"I'm so proud of you!"

"…I don't understand,"

"We'll celebrate later. Right now, we still gotta finish this."

"Agreed."

**III. House of the Dead**

"I'm not going in there."

"Are you serious?"

"I keep dying."

"Wimp."

"No matter what tactic I use, I keep dying."

"You die again, you live again. It's not that bad."

"It's infuriating."

"Oh, come on! You're gonna let _dying_ stop you?"

"…"

"…I heard dying didn't stop you before. Dean told me when… you know,"

"That's different."

"Hell yeah, it is! If you had the guts to face your brother, then you damn well have the guts for this!"

"… Fine."

"I'll cover the right, you cover the left, alright?"

"Alright."

"Great."

"It's still infuriating though."

"I know, those creeps really pissed me off too when I was still a noob. You'll get the hang of this."

"Before or after the end of the world?"

"Did you just use sarcasm?"

"I have no reason to believe I did."

"… Are you actually stalling me with sarcasm?"

"No."

"That's it. I'm breaking the door down."

"Jo – "

"Too late. Time to splatter these guys."

"This… This is insane… There's no way there are this many creatures in one building."

"Don't tell me you're not enjoying shooting them,"

"I'm not."

"Could've sworn I saw you grinning when we nailed that last swarm."

"…I wasn't – "

"Your gun is practically touching the screen, by the way."

"Is there a problem?"

"You just look really, really eager. It's kind of adorable actually."

"I simply don't wish to die again."

"Right."

"…"

"…"

"…"

" _There_ it is."

"What?"

"That little grin. You really are enjoying this, aren't you?"

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"Sure, you don't – Oh, heads-up! Things are bursting out of the walls."

"This is the part where I usually die."

"Yeah, and this is the part where you keep forgetting you got backup. Hang on, I'll save your ass."

"…Jo, I'm dying again."

"I got this. Just keep shaking those things off you."

"May I remind you that we are using our last token,"

"Crap. Okay, do you wanna go out in a blaze of glory or do you wanna try getting to the next level?"

"…"

"Cas?"

"I refuse to die in this room again."

"Then you better step up. We got a minute to plow through them before our health goes poof."

"This would be so much easier if I could smite them myself."

"Hey, if you can jump into the game, go right ahead. But you still need to get rid of that thing clawing at your face."

"Why is it doing that anyway?"

"I dunno. Maybe it's bored."

"So it claws at my face?"

"Yep."

"… How come it's not clawing at _your_ face?"

"It must sense you're new."

"But – "

"Cas, clock's ticking and our health isn't getting any better. Any plans?"

"There's one. We stop shooting – "

"What?"

" – we put our guns down – "

" _Excuse me_?"

" – and I kick the side of the machine."

"Kick the side of – Cas, this isn't a TV that can be fixed with just a good kick! We gotta – !"

"There."

"…What did – ? Holy crap, we're on the _next_ _level_? _And_ with full health?"

"We should be."

"How the hell did you know that would happen?"

"I read the mind of the man at the token booth for any weaknesses to this game."

"…"

"Apparently, the machine is very susceptible to just the right degree of contact."

"So… you cheated?"

"As a last resort."

"Aren't angels supposed to be full of honor and all that virtuous crap?"

"We are also soldiers who fight for victory."

"Unbelievable. You couldn't have done that half an hour ago?"

"As I said, it was a last resort."

"Huh. Anything else I should be informed of?"

"No, that's all."

"In that case, we still have a long way to go if we want a decent prize at the ticket counter."

"What can we get with the tickets we do have?"

"Either a sticker of one of those random guys I ran over or a paperweight that looks like Barbie's shrunken head."

"What about with more tickets?"

"Uhh… We could get you a stuffed toy panda."

"…"

"We're gonna play ten times more intense now, aren't we?"

"Yes."

"Remind me to bring you to arcades more often."


End file.
